The Synergy Summit

One auditorium. Four hundred employees. A single word, defined forever (fictionally).

The setup

Attendance was mandatory; enthusiasm, he insisted, was “strongly synergized.” The stage featured a single mahogany podium, a brass gong, and a screen displaying the word SYNERGY in letters three feet tall.

The address

He spoke for forty-five minutes without notes, defined synergy as “a lifestyle” (see quotes), rang the gong once per department, and closed by leading the entire auditorium in the company’s first-ever group high-five — a logistical feat the Bureau of Bandwidth still cites in training materials.

The legacy

He was carried out on the shoulders of middle management. The gong was retired to the lobby. And the Department of Synergy was founded that afternoon, with a charter consisting of a single sentence: “Keep it synergizing.”