The Applause Meter
The house scores the audience — nightly, publicly, and without appeal.
The instrument
The Applause Meter is the Gilded Footlight’s proudest fixture: a brass-and-glass gauge mounted beside the stage, its needle driven — the Imp claims — by “the room’s sincerity.” Each night’s reading is announced during the program like election results (see nightly-acts) and inscribed on that night’s showbill in gold ink.
The tiers
From lowest to highest, the recognized readings:
- Polite Ripple — “The audience is present. Possibly.” Rare. Discussed in hushed tones.
- Warm Current — a respectable evening; the Balcony did most of the work.
- Hearty Surge — the house standard for a good night. The Imp nods.
- Thunderous Ovation — the needle trembles; the chandeliers sway; the Imp takes two bows.
- The Balcony Shook — the highest recorded reading. The rose landed on the Imp. The ledger entry for that night is illuminated.
Famous readings
- The Encore of 1974 (house reckoning): eleven minutes of applause, the only reading to break the glass. The glass was replaced. The record was not.
- The Skeptic’s Night: the Skeptic in Row Three applauded for four full seconds — the Meter’s most valuable reading, if not its loudest.
- The Silent Gala: a charity evening for mimes (see rival-showmen) registered “a respectful hush,” which the Imp ruled a valid score and framed.
How to score well
Applaud heartily and without irony (Clause 1). Bring the Balcony with you. And remember: the Meter measures sincerity, and the Imp — who calibrated it — is the final judge of that.
Source notes
- The Applause Meter, its tiers, and its recorded readings are original fiction written for this site (see methodology).