◆ Fan-Created · Playful

Threat Assessments

Aegis's Threat-Sight HUD assesses everything. These declassified reports are 100% sincere and 0% proportional. That's why fans love them.

Threat assessment in progress: the rubber-duck incident.
AI-generated dramatization art — created in-house.

Report #3117-A · Rubber duck

Assessment: "Potential flotation-based incursion. Squeak signature detected."
Threat index: 0.0 (SQUEAK)
Action taken: Full 20-minute scan. Duck cleared. Report framed in the Spire.

Report #3117-B · Loose bolt, corridor 9

Assessment: "Trip hazard. 4% probability of ankle-interface incident."
Action taken: Bolt retrieved, corridor swept, bolt returned to maintenance with a written apology for the delay.

Report #3201-C · Pigeon drone, unregistered

Assessment: "Aerial contact. Cooing pattern suggests non-hostile intent. Cannot rule out surveillance."
Action taken: Monitored for three cycles. Drone named "Lieutenant Crumbs." Now receives a daily crumb ration.

Report #3440-D · Suspicious shadow

Assessment: "Humanoid silhouette, alley 4. Advancing cautiously."
Action taken: Shadow identified as Aegis's own reflection in a polished panel. "Self cleared. No further action. …It looked menacing."

Report #4001-E · Birthday surprise

Assessment: "Ambush detected. Multiple small contacts converging with concealed objects."
Action taken: Shield raised — then lowered. Objects identified as gifts. "Threat reclassified: friendship. Accepting."

For the serious side of the watch, see field reports.