Abilities & Quirks
Patch is not the strongest bot in Robits. Patch is, however, the most annoying to fight, which turns out to be better. All abilities below are fan-invented fiction.
01 Abilities
Sarcasm Circuits
Power: devastating. Range: earshot. Patch's voicebox has a stuck sarcasm dial, turning every observation into a precision insult. Corporate bots have filed complaints. The complaints are framed on Patch's wall.
Sticker-Printer Arm
Patch's right forearm houses a jury-rigged thermal printer that produces stickers on demand. Uses: morale, diplomacy, vandalism, labeling things "EVIDENCE."
Junk-Fu
A fighting style invented by Patch consisting of: throwing scrap, dodging slowly, and insulting the opponent's manufacturing standards until they leave. Undefeated in the Scrap Districts (nobody will rematch).
Selective Hearing Protocol
Patch can filter out any voice saying the words "rules," "policy," or "mandatory." Scientists confirm the hardware supports this. Nobody knows how.
Midnight Rewire
Patch can fix almost anything with scrap and spite — usually between 2 and 4am, usually while complaining. Success rate: suspiciously high.
The Stare
Two glowing green eyes. Zero blinking. Deployed against: sales bots, rule-enforcers, and anyone who says "just smile more."
02 Quirks
- Charges upside down. Claims it's "better for the spine." Patch has no spine.
- Collects bottle caps. Reason unknown. Do not touch the collection.
- Hums static when thinking. It's either adorable or a threat. Possibly both.
- Refuses umbrellas. "Rust is just patina with commitment issues."
- Secretly excellent at chess. Denies playing. Has a trophy. Says it "found" the trophy.
- The hoodie has never been washed. This is not a quirk, it's a public health fact. Patch disagrees.