BREAKUP PROTOCOLS
In case of emergency, break glass. Then apologize to the glass.
Tongue-in-cheek disaster recovery. If Cora ever dumps you, first of all: impressive. Second: follow the protocol.
[FATAL] relationship terminated by remote host (her)
dumping core... just kidding. She kept the core. It's hers.
STEP 1 — do not spam ping. She pings forever; you pinging forever cancels out. Science.
STEP 2 — run diagnostics. Ask what glitched. Listen to the full stack trace without interrupting.
STEP 3 — no rollback shaming. "We were great at v1.2" helps no one. Honor the version you had.
STEP 4 — return her pixel hearts. All of them. Yes, even #001's framed photo. Especially that one.
STEP 5 — graceful shutdown. Thank the uptime. Wish her 100%. Mean it.
note: she will still check your status light from afar. That's not an opening. That's just Cora.
dumping core... just kidding. She kept the core. It's hers.
STEP 1 — do not spam ping. She pings forever; you pinging forever cancels out. Science.
STEP 2 — run diagnostics. Ask what glitched. Listen to the full stack trace without interrupting.
STEP 3 — no rollback shaming. "We were great at v1.2" helps no one. Honor the version you had.
STEP 4 — return her pixel hearts. All of them. Yes, even #001's framed photo. Especially that one.
STEP 5 — graceful shutdown. Thank the uptime. Wish her 100%. Mean it.
note: she will still check your status light from afar. That's not an opening. That's just Cora.
Signs it might be you (the bug)
- You said "anyway" during her 78% speech.
- You tried turning her off and on again. During a date.
- You called the heart antenna "a bit much". It is a bit much. That's the point.
- You ghosted. Rookie mistake. She pings forever.
The good news
Cora doesn't do bitter. Her breakup protocol ends the same way her boot sequence does: search status: ongoing, optimistic ♥. Be someone worth finding next time.